The Big Pivot

The Big Pivot


Den’s energy was mightily weighted to the joyous side, but if a lower vibration seized him, he was sometimes at risk for plunging down the rabbit hole. (Libra extremes). He usually bounced back from a momentary low mood almost as swiftly as it seized him, but life’s hard knocks are mostly internal; never one to avoid a challenge, Dennis grappled with all aspects of the human condition.

Teen years, with Darlena

He was both a keen observer of this condition in others and an active participant himself. Much to his family’s dismay, although it was most certainly not their intention, some of Dennis’s tumultuous childhood experiences left him wrestling with thoughts of loneliness, despair, rejection, sadness, frustration, guilt, unworthiness, and isolation, etc. No matter how much his family adored him and told him so, trying to reassure him, their ineptitude in understanding how to guide and support him was a contributing factor. They experimented with different tactics when he was young, but “tough love” was not the ideal approach, and they realized this almost too late.

His thinking face 🤔, and sometimes somber Den 😒

When Dennis was 24, his family was unaware (see stupid tulips pg__) that although not on the list of recommended food groups, he had incorporated cocaine as part of his daily diet plan. 😧  They were likewise ignorant of the depths of his struggles; at one particularly low point, he made a single but solid attempt on his own life. If it was not for his stepdad, Mike, who called the paramedics in the Knick Of Time, Dennis would not have survived his overdose. This shocking and hair-raising Wake Up Call sent his entire family into a gigantic tailspin.

with Jonah (Florida)

During this chaotic time, his Aunty Leesa threw herself right into Den’s ICU bed, smothering him with nurturing hugs and tears, then promptly relocated her little family from Florida to New York, offering Dennis their steady, comforting family structure and emotional support, a gift they lovingly bestowed on him for the rest of his life.

with little Jonah 💙

In the aftermath of that close encounter, his shocked trio of parents took a hard look at their shortcomings and how their decisions played a role; as usual, they committed once again to doing better. They were forever trying to up their game, attempting to raise the standards of their parental efforts, and because there was so much room for improvement, doing better was the only result. You can only go up from here and all that. 😊

hugs, with Darlena and Mom (Indiana)

It was never in question that they loved this boy to the moon and beyond, but their parenting abilities fell decidedly short of the challenge of guiding him. As has been established, determining strategies was not their forte. Thus, when his mom set about smothering him with too much support and too much assistance, this also proved not to be the ideal plan. Because they were always in way over their heads, it can only be said that they were consistent in trying. 😩

with Mike and Darlena (KY)

Dennis, meanwhile, understood their struggles and rallied anyway. He not only pivoted, he purposefully set himself on a new path, to pursue clarity and a better understanding of himself and his journey. His family, though utterly relieved and eternally grateful to God, was not surprised. It was just like Dennis to try on Almost Death for size, tick off the Reaper once again, and chalk his attempt up to a risky mistake, then spend the rest of his days with a cleaned up act that focused exclusively on Living Big.

Parenting by Mike: assisting Den with Smiling for Mom's camera 😂

Dennis’s mom, dad, and stepdad have no idea why God granted them stewardship over such an amazing son (in hindsight, God must also be scratching His head on that one 😍). Not a moment goes by when they are not aware of how cherished the time was when they were allowed to borrow him, and they thank their Creator for every single second they experienced the blessing of their shared treasure, the Dennis Loan.

Little Den with the Zani Bunch (Florida)

MA is from MARS

with "Ma" (Florida)

Some years later Dennis’s “Ma” admitted to him that she felt continuously anxious at the thought that even though he appeared to be OK, and had obviously turned his life in a fresh direction, he might still make another attempt on his life.

Dennis looked at Miko as if she’d just confessed she’d been recently Hijacked By Aliens and May Have A Martian’s Device Implanted in Her Brain.

He could not believe she had ever given this a single thought!

He was shocked that she even considered such a thing, after the fact!

Huh?? What the--?! That was such a long time ago, Ma. I’m good. Not happening. You never have to worry about that, OK?

As placated as she was by her son’s gobsmacked reaction, all Miko could think was how irritating it was not to have mentioned this to him before. It would quite literally have saved her years of anxiety and worry. (see loony toons).

But the takeaway was pure Dennis. Whenever he pivoted, he left the past behind and was Focused on the Next Big Thing.

All is Well

In the months before Dennis unexpectedly lost his life in Petersburg, AK, his heart-to-heart conversations with his mom (which was also every conversation he had ever with her 😍) assured her that he was in a particularly mellow, centered, and thoughtful place in his heart and soul; an accomplishment he earned on his own merit and in his own time. Living one of his dreams in the natural setting of Alaska was the most healing balm for his spirit. From a life fraught with obstacles, Dennis had come full circle, and in his last conversation with Miko, was just a couple of weeks before he died, he specifically expounded on this joyful and centered state of mind and heart he was in. Because he wanted her to know. (He may also have been thinking about her Alien State of Mind 😜)

Flashing that peace sign on the boat 😇 (Alaska)

This sweet parting gift assured Miko that her beautiful indomitable son had indeed come to terms with his life and his experiences, and he was truly at peace, with all of it.

God is so good.

True that.

His Final Frontier

Like every undertaking he attempted, Dennis faced the ultimate challenge--big boat fishing--with fearless determination. Pushing 40, Dennis jumped in and was rubbing shoulders with a young and talented homegrown crew doing crabbing, long-lining, and seining. Dennis held more than his own, and not surprisingly, was being groomed for bigger opportunities in the fishing industry. He accomplished all of this in a fraction of the time it would take most people. In less than a year to be exact. 🍸
[see Alaska Called, Dennis Answered]

Dennis: Crabbing in Alaska

But Dennis was never like most people. His work ethic alone was, well, epic.

After losing half his finger in a construction accident (following in the half-finger footsteps of both his maternal grandfather and maternal great-grandfather), his herculean pain threshold kicked in. He told his mom, “Given our family history with chopped off digits, if I ever have a son, I’m going to circumcise his middle finger right away to save him the trouble.” 😭 😝

Bartender Pre-bird (New York), Post-bird (Washington) 😅

Dennis was right-handed, so naturally the injury was on that hand. With his index finger still in its healing process, in true Den speed-of-light style, he taught his left hand to pick up the slack and worked briefly at the Yakutat Cannery, where he learned his impressive knife skills, but was quickly noticed on the docks for his exceptional work habits and positive attitude, and scooped up for his first voyage on the f/v Magia; next he fished with the f/v Ocean Nemesis, and was then offered a position on the elite f/v Magnus Martens, one of the premier commercial fishing boats in Alaska. (see: To Experience Everything As Fully and Fast As Possible.)

Yakutat Cannery (Alaska)

POINTLESS READER REVIEWS

⭐⭐☆ Reviewed by Andy Borowitz, Whose Borowitz Report Is Mistaken for Real News and Vice Versa
To sum up, good or bad parenting styles require slow-release shots of alcohol, for oneself or for one’s offspring. For a tragic example, during the pandemic, a young mother pushing a cart full of kids instead of canned goods, became an overnight social media Influencer by succumbing to a meltdown in the decimated booze aisle at Whole Foods. This shortage in conjunction with disturbing daily White House briefings lead to Dr. Fauci’s admission that ‘ “(...) a single dosage before the briefing and as much as a double dosage after the briefing do much to alleviate the most acute suffering.” '  
(" "Borowitz Report, The New Yorker)

⭐⭐☆  Reviewed by The Elephant In The Room
To set the record straight, no one's ever ignored me when I'm in the room.

⭐⭐☆ Reviewed by Ghost of Robin Williams Funniest Elephant in the Room
Ahhh, yes, the 2020 pandemic. When agoraphobia was the new happy place trend and became the largest meetup group for drunk people dressed in pj’s. Those were the days of our hidden lives, when we sported fairytale masks like Once Upon a Really Weird Time…

🙅🙅☆ Reviewed by The Only Adult In The Room/a.k.a. Darlena‌‌
Face mask: Remove When Sipping From Flask

⭐☆☆  Reviewed by Ghost of Kate Spade, Tiniest Crossbody Elephant in the Room
Face mask: All Masked Up and No Place to Go…

⭐⭐☆  Reviewed by Ghost of Anthony Bourdain, Riding The Elephant into the Room
Face mask: Got Mask?

⭐⭐☆  Reviewed by Sara Blakely, Developing a New Line of Girdles for Elephants
Face mask: Don’t diet. Wear Face Spanx

⭐⭐☆  Reviewed by Plus Size Elephants Protesting Blakely Body Taming
Face mask: Live, and Let it All Hang Out

⭐⭐☆  Reviewed by Ghost of Robin Williams on Shakespeare: The First One To Use All The Words So  Every Thought Is Now Just One Big Fat Greek Repetition.
Face mask: To Mask or Not To Mask…

⭐⭐☆ Reviewed by Ghost of Natalie Wood, Only Elephant Who Can Rock a Flannel Nightgown
Face mask: Conspiracy Weary

🏓💄🏡 ☆ Reviewed by Aunty Leesa, Who Dinks and Drives
Pickled Sweet Baby Dill

⭐⭐☆  Reviewed by Ghost of Anna Nicole Smith, The Youngest Elephant in the Room
Face mask: An Old Mask Is Better Than None...

⭐⭐☆ Reviewed by Ghost of Robin Williams on Ghandi, the Hangry Elephant in the Room.
Intermittent Fasting Mask  (Reversible, Other side: Spring Water Buffet Mask)

⭐⭐☆ Reviewed by Aunt Nancy, Sharpshooter Who Married a Trophy Marine
Face mask: Camo Ammo

⭐⭐☆ Reviewed by Ghost of Philip Seymour Hoffman, Best Elephant Character Actor in the Room
Face mask: Masks Are Not Cool

⭐⭐☆ Reviewed by Ghost of Whitney Houston, Only Bodyguarded Elephant in the Room
Face mask: I Wanna Mask With Somebody

⭐⭐☆ Reviewed by Ghost of Robin Williams on Shakespeare: The First One To Use All The Words So  Every Thought Is Now Just One Big Fat Greek Repetition.
Face mask: To Flask or Not To Flask

📚🚵🏿‍⛺️☆ Reviewed by Uncle Bob, Mod Renaissance English Teacher Cycling Across Continents Sleeping in a Tent Taking Fine Arts Images & Reading Books Walking in Forests Like Stephen King & Buddhist Monks‌‌
Face mask: Personal Flying Insect Protection

⭐⭐☆ Reviewed by Elvis Presley, The Gyrating Elephant With a Suspicious Mind in the Room
Face mask: Return To Sender

⭐⭐☆ Reviewed by Prince, The Purple Elephant in the Room
Face mask: Little Red Corona Zone.

⭐⭐☆ Reviewed by All Face Masks On Planet Earth, Elephant Herd in the Room
In preparation for the next pandemic, for our own comfort and safety, we've partnered with tic tac. In the near future, all masks will come equipped with an emergency option of mint deployment, which will shoot into the perpetrator's mouth when breath is scent-compromised.

Extreme Doubtfire Volunteerism Rating Tallier w/a Fake British Accent Like Madonna: Hit me with your mask shot! We're pivoting, we're sashaying! We're running seriously amok. How many more pages can we take? Save yourselves!! Fire! Fire! Run for the exit!! "You have been a fabulous audience! Tell you what, you're the best audience in the whole world. Take care of yourselves! Good night, Alice! Good night, Agrabah! Adios, amigos!"
(" "Genie, Aladdin, Robin Williams)  


Soulshine

Italicized text lyrics from "Soulshine" -Allman Brothers (penned by Chelle Miko 1/2007)

In OTT loving memory of Dennis James Lord 11 (10-6-82 - 7-27-20)

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