#LinksOnThisSiteAreNOTAffiliateLinksAsThatWouldBeSuperTackyAndWeird
Dear Beleaguered Reader,
This site happened after my sweet cuke of a son, whom I 💙 to pieces, accidentally committed a terrible surprise. He died.
Step one in the Asshat Reaper Robbed Your Human process is finding out. And that sucks so much, you rush to step two to see if maybe it's less awful, only to find out it's step one with repetition about the dreadful state of your crazed mind: "I lost my...." child/mom/dad/sister/brother/cousin/friend etc. And as a result, I've misplaced most of my marbles. Since I was short to begin with, this is a real problem."
#GrimAsshatAlsoNabsMarbles
So, this whacko website is a testimonial to the fact that I slammed the brakes on step two. I see no point in moving on to more of these suckshow steps, since I have no intention of healing 💔, getting over it 🙄, or being even reasonably O.K. 🙃 I'd be an inconvenient Grieving Out Loud party guest in need of a bouncer packin' Kleenex, but I'm pretty busy holding my own in a constant argument with that Asshat Reaper. And to AH's dismay, I'm not just loquacious, I also talk on speed dial. So I'm kind of a lot.
#OffMyMourningMedsAgain #ReapersEarsHurt #FlewOverTheCuckoo+AllTheRestOfTheNests
Obituary websites tend to be sad, static, and, well, generic. And my kiddo was anything but. I'm guessing that’s how some of you feel about your own lost loved one(s).
#DeadPeopleDeserveMoreThanAStillLifeVotive
Since I'm stuck in my new step two nuthouse lifestyle, I've decided my next project to support the madness will be to create a fresh (meaning new and cheeky) memorial site that thinks outside the coffin: it will give people like me (and other like-minded lost marbles types) a virtual place to celebrate the life of a deceased loved one in a way that reflects the joy of having known the person. A novelty like this is definitely not everybody's jam, jelly, or jarred preserves, but I'm betting on fake polls that show Most People Are Against Death and Some Are Against Bad Obituary Options that there are other crazed mourners who connect with this brazen idea, maybe even enough of them to make us a grain-free half-baked dozen.
#ThreeCandlesShortOfARegularObituaryOrder #BadObituariesShouldBeTakenOutAndShotJustAskDarlena
Fair Warning: like DLord Tick Tock's honorary website, this other memorial site will also be found guilty of having a well-developed sense of gallows humor, along with the regular kind. But other than making dead people the center of attention, it won't have much else in common. For example, it's highly unlikely to light anything with votives or do any other sad flickering, and like the grieving process itself, it won't be everybody's cup of java.
#CoffeePoliticsReligionAndDeathAreVeryPersonal
And it is wholly inspired by the one and only Dennis James Lord 11, the joy-giver himself, who spent 37 years inspiring and helping others. It's just like that guy to continue paying it forward with a joyful legacy, even when he's no longer practicing his breathing, and even though he'd much prefer a standard obituary that doesn't go on and on and on.
#MySweetCukeIsJustNappingWithTheFishes
If you’re just crazy enough to think it might be a good idea to volunteer your time to help with, donate to, or fund this project (donation or nonprofit T.B.D.), or if you're even more of a head case who's interested in partnering with me, feel free to connect some of my mental health dots by reaching out. Hopefully, you have more marbles, skills, and mula than I do. 😅
Oh, and if you’re an offended celebrity, have your people email me and I’ll delete your fake comments and quotes yanked unceremoniously out of context. I don't have people so I'll be doing all that erasing myself. Much to 💀's dismay, I only found that delete key after I finished this Poser Obit in his embarrassed honor. But, if you ask me to tap that delete key, in return, I’ll ask you to do the world a solid and pick up a pound of emergency humor at Wegmans.
#HumorIsASynonymForOxygen
This site would be even more of a Hot Mess Walkin' without the patience and ability of rockstar and software guru Uncle Joe/BossP. He's a big important guy with a big important title written in code that only dev people understand. Please direct your complaints that this Fake Obit exists in the first place to Mr. Pollone. A lot of it is his talent's fault.
#TalentTakesANoseDiveUnderThisBus
Also, a shout out to Ghost. Check them out for site-building. We picked them for the deathlike vibe.
#AgainThatIsNotAnAffiliateLinkJustGhostlyGratitude
#WeAreWeirdAndDevastatedButNotDisgusting
Thank you for any attempt you made, Beleaguered Reader, to plow through this miserable reading experience as it loves miserable company.
If at any point, you find yourself distracted by a sense of lightness, feel a smile tickle your face, or God forbid, laugh, then this website has done exactly what it set out to do, which is to reflect the joy that Dennis gifted everyone who knew him, just by being his charming self.
May God bless and keep my beautiful, sweet boy. I miss him every moment of every hour of every day.
Chelle Miko, Den’s “Ma”
chellemiko@gmail.com
